SON OF SOBS: CHELSEA

After looking at the international gibberish that is a Premier League comments section, a lot of people had already written us off. Our first real test against one of the big four this afternoon we had to do our talking with our feet… Second in the league!

Omar was rested with a bad head but our defensive depth had looked promising so far. Radged Reinildo was back and Gerty got a start too. Marc Guiu's loan hadn't stuck due to injuries - something I got no joy out of predicting. Chelsea's billions left something to be worried about.

Traore started again over Talbi and took no time in falling over and winning us a free kick which led to a promising cross to big Dan at the back post. We looked promising early on with Gerty being deployed in front of defence as he found Wilson with a promising through ball in the opening minutes. Their fullbacks, whose names sounded like noises you make when you sneeze, only just dealt with it.

This very early hard work was undone by the Blues’ first attack of the afternoon with Garnacho finding the net through Roefs’ legs. Bugger. This didn't dampen our spirits as Captain Xhaka cooled things in the middle and we held our own well. We conceded successive corners as we threw everyone behind the ball and Chelsea continued to dominate.

Dan Ballard had a crack at being a midfielder and laid off a slick ball to Traore who, instead of falling over, darted a ball across the face of goal past an outstretched Wilson. We two'd and fro'd for the next ten before one of Nordi's trademark long throws was flicked on, Traore took a great first time shot that bobbled before our top scorer found himself at the right place and time again, poking the ball home. 1's a piece. I'd say this put us back in the game, but we'd never looked out of it.

By the half hour mark Chelsea had firmly set up camp in our half, with Sideshow Bob mark 2 flailing around like a rubber mop in the wind. Guiu tested Roefs but he had his number and dealt deftly. Gerty had a bit of mare and allowed them through on goal but their man couldn't find the mark. I'll let Gerty off for now as his new nickname is fun to type - give it a go!

Trai Hume finally met Cockrocha with a Trai Hume Special. I'd been looking forward to their duel all week. When I say 'duel' I mean 'Trai kicking him up in the air. We went in at half time level on shots having made a good account of ourselves and Chelsea having made as many mistakes as we had. A fair reflection and everything to play for.

The second began where we'd left off, with neither side looking to back down. Traore showed all facets of his game by crossing and falling over at the same time! I like him, honest. We fired some trademark throws that bothered the Blues leading to a corner. They countered immediately, Sadiki hesitated and we recovered via a stonking tackle from Enzo. In Noah's defence I think he was watching the run of Garnacho and couldn't quite read the bounce of the ball i.e. not as bad as it looked.

The home fans had a go at singing but were much less vocal than the complete gibberish in SAFC's comments section this morning. Whereas the RAWA...best fans in the land.

Chelsea resorted to diving and drew a foul from the freshly-returned Reinildo who, wanting to avoid any more bookings, promptly cacked himself. Their long-winded set up to the free kick led to naff all aside from wasting everyone's time. The Blues were the first to switch things up with a sub on 60 mins but we had other plans as a great switch of play saw Isidor only stopped at the last minute from being through on goal.

The home side replied with a five-minute period of all out attack. The Rubber Mop tried his antics again and tried to convince everyone he could actually sustain a head injury through his ample mane. While they checked to see if he had any brains left, Chems came on for Traore. For me, Talbi should start every week. Chelsea didn't let it up as we entered the last 20 and threw the kitchen sink at us.

We eventually managed a promising counter. Granit found himself in their box with the ball at his feet. His first touch was excellent but he couldn't make his mind up whether to pass or shoot and he fluffed a good opportunity to square it to Talbi. Mr Brobbey and Riggy came on for Enzo and our goalscorer Issy to add some fresh legs and physicality.

The Blues kept their foot to the floor into the last ten, throwing another two attacking subs on. Another long throw from us was thwarted by the mop again, as he played the ref like a fiddle, undoing our honest hard work.

Six added minutes were announced and the dreary blue home fans began to dribble from their seats. And then...

A long ball was held up calmly by Mr Brobbey, who put the ball on a plate for Talbi. Boom! A cool finish from the teenager showed he was a MorocCAN! 2-1, get in!

We kept our heads throughout and claimed a victory we definitely deserved. Beating the Club World Cup champions means we're the best time in the world, right? Don't worry. I already knew that.

Second in the Premier League! Let's get carried away!

KTF,

GPD