I’ve been avoiding doing revision for an excruciating exam I am due to sit at the end of May and browsing 60+ pages of utter bollocks discussing the potential sale of my club on the message board.

Like a fatty handed an Easter egg one month into their diet I have decision to make and it’s a toughie. If we get past Portsmouth and their fans (recently described by local police as a set of knob heads), do I go to Wembley to watch Sunderland in the Play Off Final? In times of crisis I find it is cathartic to put pen to paper, or in my case fingers to laptop, and this is a crisis. This could be an enormous red building with a magnificent reception, splendid furnishings and a massive flag on top that reads “This is a crisis.”

The Case Against…

I’ve been working towards a qualification for months, studying (or avoiding it) most weekends. A couple of thousand pounds have been invested doing a starter course in Manchester, a city with more edge than U2 and a place I wouldn’t rush back to unless I had a fetish for being mugged. The qualification will increase my bank balance. To defer the exam will cost fifty quid and more importantly I will lose the opportunity to cram over the Bank Holiday which was the plan before the end of season capitulation. I know at this point you are probably checking your whogivesashitometer and there is not even a wobble on it... hopefully you can relate to the next part.

Trips to the smoke are expensive, like really expensive now that I need to take the fruits of my loins. These excursions, in the main, provide bad memories and heartbreak. We have performed this journey every few years since the 90s without success. The Charlton play off defeat providing a particular low point. The thought of sitting opposite my brother in silence after yet another defeat, wishing had not booked the additional night for the post match celebrations, brings me out in a cold sweat, or that could be my wife’s cooking.

If I don’t go, I could ask the lads to my house, enjoy some booze and maybe a cremated sausage on the barbeque then snuggle up in my own bed. This would save approximately £300 quid plus I get to sit my exam.

The Case For…

Don’t be a bell end, its Sunderland, how often do you get to go to Wembley? The law of averages dictates that at some point we will secure victory on the hallowed turf. Your son really and I mean really wants to go. Trafalgar Square will be class. Imagine if we win and you aren’t there, how pissed off are you going to be.

Can anyone lend me fifty quid to defer my exam and I’ll get stuck into this Easter egg…

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