I’ve spent much of the last week reading about Owen Coyle’s transformation of the same bunch of Bolton players from a team of hoofers into Greater Manchester’s version of Real Madrid. I was expecting to see a game like those of the 1920s and 1930s (no, I wasn’t there) when, in the space of ten years, we beat the Trotters 6-2 (three times) 7-2, 5-1, and 7-4. What turned up today was Bolton of the Gary Megson era – studs up in every challenge, Kevin Davis leaving an opponent on the floor every time he went for the ball (or man, as the case may be).

Gordon
Onouah Ferdy Mensah McBardsley
Hendo Catts Rico Welbeck
Gyan Bent

Rumours that Ferdy had a table booked for half one circulated, but he looked to be properly fit, which is just as well, as it turned out. Bolton brought five Santas and about fifty elves – a really poor turnout for a 100 mile trip.

We started off decently enough, with Welbeck and Bent combining down the left, and when Bolton broke, Rico was there with a well-timed tackle to break things up and allow us to break down the right. When Hendo’s ball came in, it broke for Rico, but he fired well over from distance. There was a chance from a 25 yard free-kick, but Gyan’s effort went low into the wall, and we contrived to turn attack into defence, ending with it being scrambled away from our box when a goal looked possible. Catts was tackling well, and managed to set Gyan away only for the pass to be a little late and an offside flag was the result. Rico got down the left well, and his pull-back to Gyan would have produced a goal but for a great Bolton block. Bent was left in a heap on the halfway line – the first of many times it happened to our players – but we still broke with Onouah, and his pass found Gyan who curled one just wide. A tackle on Mensah, which looked to be from behind, left him needing treatment. He came back on, but was obviously lame and he lasted only another five minutes before Elmo came on at tight back, with Onouah moving into the middle for central defensive partnership number 34 of the season. After Davis had headed over, Gyan headed on to Bent, but Bolton crowded him out as he moved through the box. Welbeck got down the left, but his cross was way too deep, then Gyan ran on to his own header to break through but his shot was saved.

Half an hour in came the defining moment, and Hendo slung a cross from the right to Bent at the back post. Darren somehow brought the ball down a scuffed in a shot that Flappyhands spilled, and Welbeck was on hand to poke it away. Christmas joy! With the ref steadfastly refusing to clamp down on Bolton’s obvious fouling, he booked Catts for what looked like a perfectly good challenge. We got even more upset when Elmander deliberately tripped Ferdy, then knocked Onouah over with his arm and wasn’t even spoken to. As few efforts from us, with wide, high, or comfortable for their keeper had us frustrated, then Bolton won a corner on 41. It went deep, was knocked back in, and sat up perfectly two yards out. In came the shot, and it was impressive enough for Gordon to get a hand to it, but to scoop it over the bar from a foot off the ground elevated the save to Monty proportions. Fantastic, and I doubt if you’ll see a better one this season. The three added minutes brought no more goals, and we were worth our half time lead because, quite simply, we tried to play football.

Benty came out for the second half with both his ankles well strapped up, as protection against the kicking they were about to receive. Elmander tried to get Catts sent off but hurt himself as he dived. Coyle was up screaming at Brucie about it, as the only person in the ground who thought it was a foul. Anyway, how seriously can you take a middle-aged man who wears shorts when it’s minus five? Lunatic. At last, their number 8 was booked as the ref realised he’d got it wrong with Catts, but he refused to apply the same rules to numerous other challenges that could have seen Bolton down to seven or eight players. We started to get down either wing, with Elmo overlapping well, and Hendo almost got Bent in a couple of times. Welbeck and McBards did well down the left, but, as with the first half, we weren’t getting the shots on target. Catts missed the opportunity to set Welbeck away down the left when he held on to the ball too long, the Rico – ah, remember that goal against the Mags? – put yet another free kick hopelessly high. With twenty to go, it should have been two, but, despite keeping ourselves calm as we passed around the box, the eventual shot was just past the far post. We screamed for a free as Welbeck was tripped on the edge of the box, then Brucie surprised us all on 73 by bringing on Zenden (good call, boss) for Gyan (what?) Maybe he was still carrying that toe injury, but he was far livelier than Bent, willing to have a go at anything while Darren needed to show more movement.

Welbeck took a knee in the back, not spotted by a truly awful referee, then Bolton’s attempt at a quick free kick went straight to Hendo, who galloped down the right and put in a dangerous cross – headed clear, and Bolton broke. It took a great tackle from Ferdy in the box to save the day, then Catts hoofed the ball up in the air near our own box, almost letting Bolton through. They made a double substitution on 83, having already taken off Petrov who didn’t look too chuffed to go, and any attempt they had been making to play football disappeared as everything was pumped long towards our box. They shifted their giant centre half up front, but Onouah, and particularly Ferdy, managed to get on the end of most things. We put together probably our best spell of the game, ending with the ball on Zenden’s wrong foot, and the weak shot was easy for the keeper. He was there again a few minute later, this time getting in a header. They put us under a fair bit of pressure with their direct style (he said, generously), and right on 90 should have scored when Elmander (I think) scuffed wide at the near post.

A match consisting of a fair amount of mediocrity interspersed with a few moments of genuine quality (most of them from us) and large chunks of rubbish. Bolton, far from being a new-look footballing side, were horrible, and dragged us down to their level. They must be horrible to play against, as they are certainly horrible to watch. No wonder so few of their fans made the journey to Wearside.

Man of the Match? Well, Gordon is a contender for that save at the end of the first half, Catts out himself about effectively despite having a card to his name for most of the game, and Bardsley didn’t let anyone down. I’m not sure about Elmo at right back, mind. While he’s fast, decent in the air, and breaks well, he tackles like a kitten. Rico – well, once again he promised much but delivered little, and Hendo produced a few good moments, breaking well down the right and finding his strikers several times. Welbeck showed what he’s made of, with impressive pace and movement, while Gyan was a box of trick as usual. Benty didn’t have his best day, but still could have had a couple. Mensah – a good fifteen minutes, but then got broken again. Onouah did well against their two battering ram forwards, but for me Ferdy was the top man today as he fought and won the battle with the aforementioned strikers.

Sobs' Book click here...