I’m sitting here outside the Station,
Wearmouth is my destination.
On this tour of football stands,
My match ticket is in my hand,
And every stop is carefully planned
For a nutter following Sunderland.
Sunderland bound,
I guess I am.

Had it not been for the early start, I’d have put “inside” instead of “outside” and “pre-match pint” instead of “match ticket” but there you go. That’s the Premier League, and funny kick-off times are the norm. Last time I’d been sitting inside the place, I’d watched two lads tether a horse (a proper horse, a big bugger with hairy feet and a fierce expression, not one of those thoroughbred pansies) in Morrison’s car park, do what they had to do, then trot off, two up, down the main street. If that wasn’t Bish enough, that scariest of things then arrived – a group of blokes in ties and women in posh frocks. That can mean only one thing of a Sunday afternoon – a christening party, which, according to local by-law, must contain the minimum of one nasty argument, and a maximum of a trip to A&E. Thankfully, this one got not much further than the former, with the antagonistic lady in question being disarmed before the latter was necessary.

Their was also the compulsory England let-down, this time a defeat at the hands of a German side managed by someone form a boy-band. Surely a place for Chopra beckons – after all, he’s English, he’s scored more than one goal, and he’s got two legs.

The fallout from last weekend’s nonsense at Wigan has been Roy’s searching of the transfer market for more useful additions, and, at the time of writing (this bit, at least) had got as far as a deal agreed for Andy Cole, and Kuffour and Harte supposedly on their way. As far as the players for the big game, Liverpool’s inspirational captain was almost certainly out with a broken toe (big Jessie) and our inspirational captain is out for up to six weeks with a knacked knee. I know which team will miss their man the most, as building a squad with the depth of Liverpool’s takes a lot longer and costs lot more than Roy’s had so far.

In the Worm at 10:45 (will it be open? Why aye) and then a quickie at Fitzie’s in the sun, and an earlier than normal arrival at the ground. No cash turnstiles, but still 2,000-odd empty seats. No comment.

We started with Flash in goal, Halford and Wallace as fullbacks, and Nos and McShane (complete with new go-even-faster haircut) in the centre. Midfield saw Yorke and Dicka in the centre, with Richardson and Miller out wide, and Murphy and Chops up front. We almost went a goal down on thirty seconds, when Halford produced the laziest of back-passes, but we managed to clear the ball. Wallace was then out-muscled by Torres, as you’d expect, and Dicka had to put his foot in several times to keep us in the game. Hyppia went down like a shot hoss as Murphy afforded him the merest of brushes, and set the standard for the afternoon as the first Liverpool player to require the attention of the trainer/physio/psychiatrist. Richardson’s left-wing cross on six minutes almost found Chops, but Liverpool cleared. Nuggsy then produced a Bennett-esque run to win a corner, but the resulting kick was deflected off McShane for a goal kick. They won a soft free-kick 20 yards out when we looked to have won the ball cleanly, but the wall did its job.

McShane took a bit of a tumble and seemed to hurt his shoulder, but still managed to do his job at the expense of a corner, then Hyppia was replaced by Agger (do do do, shake pineapple etc.) Murphy won a header on the right and collected the return, but failed to cross. The ref seemed to be caught up in the predicted Chelsea non-penalty backlash with unguided sympathy towards Liverpool. If we did something, it was a foul. If they did the same, it was play on. Richardson looked clearly out of sorts, and it was no surprise when he was replaced by Stokes on 19 minutes in a straight swap. McShane took yet another bang to the heid, Chops headed down for Murphy, but his volley was over the top. Chops was in the action again soon after, sliding the ball in to Stokes, who burst into the box only to see his shot smothered and cleared.

Dicka was a little unfortunate to be booked for a sliding tackle on the line, and the fact that the ref changed the ball indicates that he got that rather than the man. Torres and Noz were having their own private battle, and McShane seemed to be there only to have his heid whacked. He must have a face like a well-kicked bucket by now. Chopra almost got on the end of a pass, but Reina cleared, yet another example of how our very own Geordie was showing all the right moves but getting nothing to feed off. A couple of blatant handballs later, and the ball was laid back to Sissoko 25 yards out, and the ball was drilled home for 0-1 on 37 minutes. Liverpool took this as a signal to pile on a bit of pressure for the remainder of the half, but we dealt with it, culminating in a great save by Flash from a header after a cross from their right.

Nil-0ne down at the break, and probably slightly unfortunate to be in that situation. The break saw the Durham Cricket team showing off their recent trophy, and Micky Horswill showing off his 1973 haircut.

McShane was last out for the second half, after having his heid glued back together again, and we won a n instant corner through Murphy, but Stokes scuffed the kick short. Gordon then showed his worth with a good block, and we broke to get Stokes into the box but he was crowded out. Dicka then let Torres though, but Flash produced yet another fine save. The ref then awarded Liverpol a free-kick on the edge of the box for a challenge that they’d have got away with, but Gordon took Pennant’s effort comfortably.

On 60 minutes, Leadbitter replaced Yorke, and immediately showed more attacking intent down the right as Miller moved into the centre. He fed Murphy, but again the visitors defended in numbers to block his path. Grant was looking to find Chops at every opportunity, and almost got him though a couple of times. We won the ball at the left side of our defence and eventually found the overlapping Halford, who took a boot to the face and won us a free-kick. Wallace’s curling ball in was tipped over by Reina, and the corner came to nothing. Chops got through on 70, but the keeper stayed on his feet and forced him wide. Noz contrived to give the ball to Torres 40 yards out, but raced back to recover the ball in the box. The fouth official then decided that the three on the pitch weren’t having the “useless buggers” badge all to themselves and contrived to make Riise’s replacement of Carragher take about ten minutes.

Stokes won the ball with his chest and volleyed just wide from distance as we began to make some headway, then Connolly replaced Murphy on 77 minutes. Mille fired over form 30 yards when a pass might have been a better option, but if you don’t shoot, you don’t score. With four minutes left, they waltzed through to score the second. We responded with several corners, and Stokes showed great skill to get into the box, but there were three men on him in an instant, and he couldn’t get through for a shot, but his cross was quite clearly caught by a defender. No penalty. I wonder what would have happened at the other end?

Only three added minutes, which was a surprise, as they’d taken every opportunity to waste time, but we couldn’t force a goal.

Basically, we lost because we gave the ball away too often, and failed to do the simple things right. The difficult things we managed OK, but the likes of Murphy and Halford need to take a big look at themselves in the mirror and say “he’s a big lad, I should be frightened of him.” We had a decent second half, and there were some positives to take, as they say, although we obviously need to create more (some, indeed) chances for Chops, ‘cos he’ll out them away if they come along.

Man of the Match? Probably Wallace, who had a tricky opponent in Pennant, but still managed to produce coming forward.

Match officials? An absolute stinking performance by all four of them, making a mockery of the professional status they now have. Desperate to be part of the Premiership “show” they didn’t change the result, but they detracted from the quality of the match.

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