So the Youths’ dream of an FA Cup final ended at the City of Manchester Stadium, despite a single-goal win and an effort disallowed under dodgy circumstances with only a couple of minutes to go. A valiant effort, so well done Bally and his bairns, and let’s see the same level of performance next season. As for the reserves, they were up against Man Utd at Hetton, and the cameras were in town for MUTV in front of a decent crowd. Just like their first team, they had a greasy-haired, olive-skinned number seven who played with his sleeves over his hands, a combative ginger midfielder, a whiny number 9, and a ponce of a centre half. This one, however, didn’t have problems pissing in a pot, instead spending the entire ninety minutes running his gloved hands through his hair and trying to do stepovers. They also had a right back who looked remarkably like Gary Neville – probably because he was Gary Neville, and his fullback partner was none other than Danny Simpson. In goal was Tomasz Kuszczak (or whatever), fresh from his sending off in the FA Cup on Saturday. So, no bunch of stiffs for our lads, then, and no lack of experience in our side, either. Fulop in goal, Stephen Wright (remember him?) and Ian Harte at fullback, with McShane and M’Voto (what a size he is) in the centre and Weir, Miller, Edwards, Chandler, Dennehy, and O’Donovan making up the eleven.

It was a fairly high quality game, in which our main concern was whether Carlos could still do the “beep beep” business. Without really getting into top gear, he showed a few good bursts, and had the best chance of the first half. Liam Miller also showed what we’re missing in the middle with an assured, calm, and determined display. We’d just about settled for a draw when Chandler burst through, Tomasz Kzuzkskzkuzk saved with his legs, and Jordan Cook headed goalwards only to see the visitors’ Gray palm it over the bar. Red card, and no doubt Ferguson going ballistic and berating the ref as he watched on MUTV. Up stepped Harte, who put away a penalty like penalties should be put away. That wasn’t the end of it, as Tomasz scuffed a clearance and Miller fired past the back-pedalling keeper from 45 yards, but a yard off target. As we played Manchester time (70 seconds to the minute) it seemed to go on forever, but in the end the win was deserved.

Carlos ready for a comeback? Why not half an hour on Saturday. Those who reckon that he needs half a dozen or so games to get into the swing of things should remember (Mr McDonald) that there are scarcely any more than that many games left. Carlos could do in a twenty-minute cameo what we’ve been missing – a burst down the wing and a pinpoint cross for Lonesome Jones. Liam Miller? Just what we need, especially considering that I listened on the car radio on the way back to Chelsea getting Barnsley out of their system. By killing Derby – and I got rid of Lampard from my dream team the other week. That’ll be why I’m not a football manager, I suppose. While Derby’s result against anyone but teams from the bottom half of the table shouldn’t really concern us, it adds further weight to the argument that they’ll fail to reach fifteen points this season. Brum lost at Portsmouth, but Boro, hot on the heels of their worst performance in living memory (according to several regular watchers) managed a point at Villa when apparently worthy of three. With the mags not playing until Monday (against Brum), we have the chance of going two above them should we win, and pass them on goal difference if we can only draw. I know which I’d prefer, as there are also Reading and Wigan to pass with the three, and the smogs to catch.

Away from football, I’m not even going to mention the budget, other than to reckon that away trips will now cost about 12 pence more thanks to the extra duty on beer. OK, anything from 24 to 40 pence, as long as there’s nowt tax-wise on pork scratchings that I missed.

Through the week, I tried my best to follow the English teams in Europe, but after Torres blessed my dream team with another goal, it all went up the spout. Everton and Spurs, thanks to players of decidedly dodgy character, fluffed their penalties and Bolton lost, all I could take from Channel Five’s coverage was that Pat Nevin has turned into Woody Allen. Just Google Image the pair of them and see what you get, you know I’m right.

After the Bolton game at the Mason’s and the Pollards, watching Stallone tell Caine “you’re a big man, but you’re out of shape” in the pathetic remake of Get Carter just showed what a poor grasp of a decent British film the Americans have. I laughed out loud. I know people who were in the original (yes, I’m that old) who would turn in their graves at the quality of that film – especially when one of the hard men in it is nowadays seen on TV as a comical surgeon in Scrubs. Happy Days, as they say.

The usual bus through had a few new faces (“which way to the ground”) and a pre-match pint in the Salty with the Bradford Massive, including someone who’d driven up from Bristol for the match. Respect. As the fire alarm went off, we followed the instructions as we understood them - “in the event of the alarm sounding, find a seat and continue drinking” but there was no fire. On the way to the ground I passed a Jaguar with an egg broken on the bonnet (was it a hot hatch) and a fair few Chelasea lads about. As you’d expect.

As rumours of a few players taking drinks during the week circulated, there was no sign of Murphy, Chopra, or Richardson, so it was Gordon, Bardsley, Noz, Evans, and Collins at the back, Deano, Edwards, Leadbitter, and Reid in the middle, and Jones and O’Donovan up front. Or was O’Donovan playing behind Jones? It was hard to tell at times. Deano found Reid as we kicked off the wrong way, and he found Collins and got it back and won a corner, which was nice. The swerving kick was cleared, and Chelsea won a corner from a Collins tackle, which was cleared. Alex, alongside Terry, was wearing short sleeves and gloves (unlike plying for Brazil in Dublin in much colder conditions – is it just playing for a London club that makes players turn into pansies?). On 6 minutes, O’Donovan received the corner of the penalty box and had Terry’s arms all around him as he was hauled to the deck. Penalty? No, remember the eleventh commandment of football – thou shalt not penalise John Terry, even if he is found with a machete in his hands, dripping with the blood of his latest victim. That pretty much set the refereeing tone for the afternoon, really.

A great tackle and block ended a Chelsea breakaway, then their third corner came in from the left and ended up in the back of the net. Goal to Terry, but rumours of a Jones OG filtered around the stadium. So Terry celebrated in the crowd – he’s allowed when others aren’t, apparently. Noz found Jones with an accurate punt, and his flick found O’Donovan, but no-one from midfield could arrive in time to take advantage. Chelsea won several more corners, all on their left, and alost got a second but were kept out by some good defending. What looked like a perfectly decent tackle resulted in another free-kick to the visitors on their right. Soon after this, Jones won a header and got it to O’Donovan, who found Reid, and his cross was volleyed well over by Carlos on 23 minutes.

We did win a free-kick for a push on Jones on 25 minutes, and Reid saw a great effort tipped over for the second home game in a row. The resultant corner was cleared and Chelsea broke, but good defending by Bardsley got rid of Drogba’s cross. A long cross from Deano found O’Donovan’s head, but Cudicini saved comfortably. We then broke with Jones but lost the impetus when we turned back and passed too often, but Reid did win a free on the left from which Kenwyne’s header was cleared. As we pressed forwards, Collins did a good bit of defending in their box with a couple of robust airborne challenges and O’Donovan shot a yard wide from distance on 36 minutes. When Roy 2 was played through and skipped over the keeper’s collection, Cudicini took exception to our man having the temerity to be within a yard of his head, and chased him around the box. Result? A talking to for our man by the ref.

We nearly got through on the right with Leadbitter and Bardsley on 43, but not quite. Back at the other end, young Grant sliced over the top for yet another Chelsea corner which we kept out at the back post, then Gordon produced a good save as 2 added minutes were announced. Collins produced a great overlap then tackle to pin the visitors back, and the whistle went to end a half of frustration. Frustration at the lack of killer instinct when we did create a chance, and frustration at the knowledge that the visitors could probably turn it up a notch if they wanted to. Mind you, they were a bit too clever for their own good at times.

No changes for either side for the start of the second half, and Reid showed some good battling deep on the left to get out of trouble and find Carlos on the right, but our winger’s cross was neither nowt nor summat and was easily cleared. Joe Cole crossed to the back post, but Kalou hoofed it way over the top, then Cole took his turn to hit the upper North Stand. There was a big cheer as a steward sat on the adverts and they collapsed (safety feature, I’m told). Deano tackled Lampard, Ballack and Terry took exception, and Deano was booked. Well done ref, why not react to what the Chelsea players say rather than what you see. By the way, I was being sarcastic there.

Grant hit a decent effort from distance that was saved, and the corner was headed just wide by Collins at the back post, then he found Reid, who put in a cross that was well cleared. Drogba then hoyed himself to the ground under the slightest touch form Leadbitter, and our man was booked, as you’d come to expect. At least they collected a yellow for a fairly harmless foul on Reid, then we brought on Prica for the tiring Edwards. Definitely two up front, as you can’t play him anywhere else, and O’Donovan tried his luck on the right. His awfully loose ball back let in Chelsea, but we managed to clear it. Yorke replaced O’Donovan on 72, as they brought on Essien for Ballack. Hmm. Notice anything there?

Yorke spent the next 20 minutes playing in good balls from an inside left position about 35 yards out, and Jones, Prica, and various others could have done better with them. SWP replaced J Cole, Jones headed over then at the keeper when finding a corner would have brought a goal, and Harte replaced Leadbitter as we moved players all over the pitch in a desperate attempt to get something. Gordon did well to keep out Wright-Phillips on the break, but most of out efforts ended with an offside flag from a decidedly nervous linesman on our right, the whistle went and that was it. While there’s no denying the quality of Chelsea, they don’t’ need the help of the officials to win games but they get it in gallons, and that’s what irritates the most about today’s game. One day, hopefully, they’ll be that nice to us because we’re winning everything anyway and it doesn’t really matter.

Chelsea, wherever you may be,
You can depend on the referee.

Man of the Match? Sound again from Collins at the back, and Yorke did nowt wrong when he came on, but I’ll give it to Pieabetic Reid for always looking likely to do something dangerous.

Keep the faith, and pray for the other results to go our way.

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