As with last season our opening game of the Premiership Reserves League was against the great unwashed, only this time it was at the landfill known as Sid James' Park, however, thankfully unlike last season, we managed to hold on to our two-one advantage to the final whistle. Well we almost always win two-one.

The Lads lined up with McArdle and Hartley paired at centre back, with the absence of Higgi who was scheduled to play, confirming rumours of his return to Stoke. Thanks for your efforts Higgi – and in particular the goals against our less illustrious neighbours. Kav and (captain) Jack were paired together in the middle with Prica leading the line (dis)ably supported by Stokesy in equal measures.

Our first chance fell in the 4th minute when Kav’s excellent corner found Prica unmarked from six yards out but despite being just inside the near post he somehow managed to glance it beyond the far post... no mean feat.

Henderson’s first major contribution came after a dozen minutes when he controlled and played a beautifully weighted ball to the opposite flank to Stokes and he showed equally good control and movement to reach the line but almost inevitably with Stokesy, after doing the hard bit he failed to pull it back to Kav or Prica, the former of which had bust a gut to make a rare foray into the six yard box – sufficed to say he wasn’t best pleased with Stokesy's cross.

Mid way through the first period, Colback burst through the middle of the mags defence but a good last-ditch tackle from Edgar prevented what looked a certain goal. A minute later and Kav nearly Alonso’d Forster from the centre circle after a dirty mag had fallen over and conceded possession unexpectedly. The keeper just back peddled enough to gather the on target shot for what would have been an early contender for goal of the season.

It only took another 90 seconds for the lads to take the lead though when a piece of sheer magic from Hendo saw him beat three mags with two touches and put a ball in, right between the keeper and back line and though Prica was credited with the goal and deservedly so, it may well have taken a final touch off a defender.

On 37 minutes Prica managed to miss the goal again with the second of his two free headers and again glanced it the wrong side of the far post.

The lads doubled their lead when Colback burst through in his typical Gerradesque style collected a fantastic one-two and nearly demolished the right hand upright but deservedly saw the ball rebound off the post into the back of the late diving Forster.

The mags fans couldn’t believe it, but what was much more unbelievable after Sunderland’s utter dominance, was that they immediately halved the deficit when Jonny Godsmark scored with the entire Sunderland back line appealing for offside. It was the other end of the ground and so impossible to tell from where I was sat – but it was the mags so I was certain they cheated.

H/T: Scum 1 – 2 The lads

Ten minute after the restart Prica sent an excellent dipping shot just over the bar when he was allowed to advance facing less resistance than a Russian armoured column in Georgia.

On 63 minutes Colback was put through by Kay and appeared to be pulled back before Forster made his one good block of the night, but the referee was extremely poor all night and had no intention of pulling it back for a free kick.

Two minutes later and we nearly paid the price as Colgan brilliantly tipped Nile Ranger’s (yeah I kid you not – sounds like an Egyptian Park Attendant) shot over the crossbar.

The ref then proved what a complete arse he was by then telling Colgan to hurry up his goal kicks after the tosser mag ball boy who looked like he should have been on the set of Shameless took forever to get the ball – a few less trips to Gregg’s might help – and he then proceeded to abuse Colgan as he eventually passed him the ball - the ball boy that is, rather than the ref.

Few other things of note happened although Forster managed to catch a ball on 70 minutes – I’d love to see him thrown into a Premiership match and we had three attempts in the space of a minute all of which should have been converted but none were when Meyler, Colback and Stokes had chances.

The distinctly average Meyler who I can only hope we see a marked improvement from as he learns what it means to be a full time player in England was replaced by Cook. Meyler's gait currently reminds me of Kenneth Moore’s early attempts to walk as Douglas Bader in Reach for the Sky.

The mags managed to hit the woodwork before the match fizzled out with a furry of nothing bookings from a piss poor ref but it was a good day all round - hats off to the club who showed the intellect to set the league cup tickets at a tenner, Ringo returned home and we beat the mags two-one. The magic carpet ride roars back onto life after Sunday’s misfiring.

Full Time: Scumbag barcodes 1 v 2 Sunderland Reserves

Sunderland: Colgan, Kay, Liddle, Kavanagh, McArdle, Hartley, Henderson, Colback, Prica, Stokesy, Meyler (Cook).

Subs unused: Wilson, Chandler, Dowson, Madden

Dov