Define ‘dedication’. Perhaps travelling into the hinterland to the intellectually deprived wastelands of Newcastle supporting territory on a Tuesday night, in a force seven gale, a blizzard to eclipse anything at Seaham last Thursday and surrounding yourself with a bunch of whinging foul mouth Geordie kids posturing that they’d ‘knack yer’ but for the single tubby steward resplendent in orange day-glow holding all 30 of them back and all just to write you a match report on the reserves.

If that doesn’t match your definition, then factor in its me birthday and I’m doing this to bring you a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark time of both year and footie season, when I should be in the pub getting lashed on the dark stuff. Perhaps now you’d agree dedication has been defined.

The lads lined up with Greg Halford in a holding midfield role, Jake Richardson wide right and Robbie Weir at right back. Peter Hartley’s name must have been drawn out of the ‘who’s the captain tonight’ hat.

Newcastle’s winger Godsmark proved a tricky customer in the opening minutes delivering three good crosses but none of his them received the justice they deserved. Very quickly the Lads got hold of the game, dominating play and restricting Newcastle to very few opportunities which Andy Carroll generally squandered. On eight minutes Sunderland had their first chance when the lively Ross Wallace pinged the ball over from just outside the box from Richardson’s deep cross.

On the quarter hour mark Stokes controlled Ian Harte’s raking ball and shot from just outside the box but splayed his left foot shot passed the wrong side of the left hand post. That should have served as a warning to the scumbag’s defence that he was in the mood tonight.

After Andy ‘how over-rated’ Carroll unbelievably missed from all of half a yard, Sunderland stepped up another gear. Stokes combined well with Connolly and rattled the base of the right hand post. Two minutes later the young Irishman popped up on the other side of the box, was slipped a pass from Miller after the home side had gifted the lads possession and whilst feigning to play the ball across the goal to the far side cleverly disguised his cut across the ball and beat the keeper at his near post, albeit far too easily, from just inside the box.

Just sixty seconds later Halford who looked impressive in central midfield leapt like a salmon, hung in the air and powered a superb header against the woodwork. Perhaps the management wanted to run the rule over Greg’s ability to work in the centre as our midfield appears to be over stocked with tricky little ball players like Miller, Leadbitter, Richardson, Wallace et al but lacking in big physically dominant players of Etuhu’s stature, but who perhaps can pass a ball occasionally to a team-member. With Etuhu away for potentially up to a month Halford’s huge frame and willingness to track the ball could be an option if he can apply it with discipline required for that role. On the other hand maybe loads of scouts were watching him.

Yet another minute later Richardson arrived late at the back post to connect with Wallace’s left wing pass and his shot looked like it would trouble the keeper before being deflected narrowly wide. Anderson was next up in the ‘lets have a shot as well’ queue after good play by Wallace and Stokes but the keeper was equal to it.

H/T: Scum 0-1 The Lads

Chandler and Dowson came on for the second half replacing Richardson and Weir. Dowson played wide right, Chandler centre mid, allowing Halford to return to his normal position. After Stephen Carr’s good strike from the edge of the box, Connolly was next to go close, side footing from 14 yards after a good ball from Stokes. The Lads then doubled their lead, just after the hour mark, when Miller and Connolly combined well to put Stokes in and he rattled it past the keeper, again at his near post.

The Scum pulled themselves back into the match, against the run of play, on 65 minutes when Stephen Carr’s excellent free kick was too hot to hold for Carson and his parry unfortunately dropped straight into Hartley’s path and he deflected it McShane’esque past his own keeper.

We thought we had restored out two goal advantage five minutes later when following Zidane like drag backs on the edge of the box from silky Russell Anderson, Stokes drove home from eight yards but the over enthusiastic lino flagged yet again. But on 74 minutes Stokes smacked it against the bottom of a post for the second time in the match.

The Scum flashed a warning that for all our dominance they were still only a good strike away from a share of the points, but Carson tackled their striker as he ran through on goal after a rare mistake from the aforementioned Silky Anderson. Seven minutes from time Chandler and Dowson combined well and the former struck from almost exactly the same place as Stokes had for the previous goal, 3-1 to the Sunderland, doesn’t he know we always win 2-1? The fool!

Queue a snow and rain storm the type of which you only see on the movies and we were praying for the whistle. Any decent referee would have blown bang on 45 to get everyone home but this one allowed plenty added time which lead to an injury to one of the home side which could have been averted.

The final score was 3-1 to the Lads and frankly if that was the standard of their kids and reserves, then believe me things aren’t as bleak for the Lads as some would let you think. Newcastle United were so poor we even had to score their goal for them, their crowd was such an embarrassment of charvas (I’m christening the word embarrassment as the new collective noun for charvas), it was like being trapped in some sort of surreal large scale audition for Shameless.

I can confirm that I have been thoroughly hosed down since my return from the black and white wastelands and I’m confident that I am both cured and a non-carrier. Subsequently you won’t contract any unpleasant contagious disease from having read this report.

Full Time: 1-3 to the Lads

Sunderland: Carson, Weir (Dowson), Hartley, Anderson, Harte, Richardson, Halford (Chandler), Miller, Connolly, Stokes, Wallace
Subs unused: Henderson

Attendance: About 50 top lads & lasses and a few hundred hopefuls for Shameless.

Dov