There’s never a dull moment supporting this club. Whilst I can’t pretend its all good, it’s definitely never dull. Nine goals including a hat-trick for Ross Wallace (assuming you ignore what looked like a perfectly good disallowed goal that would have made it four) in the final (league) match of the season for the ressies and yet almost inevitably the referee somehow turned it into pure farce at times.

How a nine-goal match can be so fragmented, so staccato, so frustrating at times I don’t know but I may well be asking that of the FA after yet another woeful refereeing performance. I’ll let you know if I get anything but the usual bog standard bullshit letter – but unless you’re a Geordie don’t hold your breath – if you are and are reading this (wow you can read) feel free to hold your breath - I’ll let you know when to breathe out again – honest.

Blackburn fielded a youthful side but if ever a team had the ‘stamp’ (an appropriate term if ever there was one) of its manager then this Rovers team had. Dirty, over the top, cynical but admittedly with occasional moments of real skill - it was unmistakably Glynn Hodges Rovers. Say no more.

Our lads lined up with Henderson on the right and Dennehy up front with fellow Irishman Stokes. Chandler and Colback were paired together in the middle whilst Wrighty wore the armband.

The first clear chance of the match came three minutes in when Dennehy struck the ball straight at the keeper after Wallace had done well to find Stokes and the Irishman in turn had slipped a lovely diagonal ball to the man from Tralee. Billy probably could have taken a couple of extra paces or even slipped it across the face of goal for Henderson having attracted all of the defenders at pace across to his side but he snatched at it.

Against the early run of play, Blackburn took the lead when tricky, little forward Alan Judge was allowed inside from a wide left position far too easily and drilled home well from the edge of the box.

On 13 minutes and after one of many batterings that Stokes took all night - we got a free kick awarded on the edge of the penalty area. Well I say it was on the edge of the box – that’s where it was committed – it was taken about another ten yards further back but whether that was a clever ploy by Wallace to give him more room to get the ball up and down or whether it was just another example of poor refereeing I don’t know. Anywho, Rocky wasn’t worried either way as he stroked the ball home whilst the Blackburn keeper stood rooted to the spot. 1-1.

All of 90 seconds later Chandler burst through after Henderson had dragged two defenders further than a Nosworthy excursion. That left a gapping chasm in behind into which Jordan threaded a lovely ball for the onrushing Jamie. His low, accurate strike flowed straight into the back of the net. 2-1.

The referee then stood by as Jordan was assaulted simultaneously from three angles - I’ve not seen anyone get hit so hard from so many different angles since I watched Max Mosley on YouTube. The referee’s response was ridiculous, if predictable, as he suggested Henderson had dived.

On twenty minutes their keeper bizarrely handed it on a plate to Wallace who without hesitation thumped it home and impressively so, given the narrow margin between keeper and post. 3-1.

One minute later Donoghue stroked a lovely Hoddle’esque ball, or maybe a hit and hope. I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say it was a precise long range pass and Stokesy took it in his stride rounded the keeper and beat the defender at the near post just as it began to look like he’d left it too late. 4-1.

Blackburn’s response was as predictable as every refereeing decision our beloved club has received this season and things started to get tastier than an ALS model, well the female ones anyway.

Liddle got cleaned out for a second time by another appalling challenge and then it was Chandler’s turn to be scythed down. As ever Jamie just got up and on with it but it was clear that the ref had completely lost control.

Just after the half hour mark Stokesy saw the keeper off his line and went for an audacious 45 yard lob – it was either that or he couldn’t be arsed to make a second run in on goal in one half, who knows which? For all his talent which is undeniable I’ve rarely seen someone of his age blowing out their arse so badly after 30 minutes footy – what does he do all week? Maybe you shouldn’t answer that one, I probably shouldn’t know.

On 38 minutes we saw the biggest disappointment of the match, other than the standard of refereeing, when Wallace looked like he was beautifully played in by the aforementioned blowy arse and the Scotsman fair wellied the ball high into the back of the net only to see his goal ruled off side. He could see right across the line and notably didn’t complain but I’d like to see it again as it looked tight to me.

Two minutes later and Jack the Lad was doing a Scholesy corner routine (a la Bradford) hitting it full on the volley from the edge of the far side of the box and he had the Hetton girls scrambling for safety behind the goal as it flew just off target for what would have been a wonder goal.

Glynn Hodges then decided to walk onto the pitch, jabbing his finger and complaining about something – god knows what as their players may have well been nailing our lads to crosses. Perhaps the ref hadn’t given Blackburn as many outrageous decisions as he’d hoped for – so he proceeded to argue for what seemed like minutes whilst on the field of play. He wouldn’t leave the pitch when the 4th official asked him to several times. He wouldn’t leave when the ref asked him to. He wouldn’t leave when the ref demanded him to but eventually after coaxing from the Blackburn staff, reserves and stewards he climbed over the railing and tried to stand immediately next to the dug out. He was then told to go to the main stand by the ref but in fact the only time he looked worried was when he eventually began to walk round to the main stand and as he passed me I told him to get a rush on as Gordon Armstrong was there and wanted a word.

It must have been one of the most disgraceful arguments I’ve seen on a football pitch and from a manager who is supposed to set an example to his young players not to mention the assembled throngs of Hetton youth. I’d say shame on him but I’d have to qualify it by saying its little more than I’d expect from him.

H/T 4-1

Half time became a story of the food chain. I tucked in to one of Grace and the girls bacon sarnies and then in turn I was lunch for the baby midges that began to circle. They maybe babies now but I know that when I return in August they’ll be ten times bigger and twenty times hungrier – so if you never hear from me again, at least you’ll know why. Thankfully my mate Michael must look like pretty good eating to them in comparison to my streamlined shape so I may live to file another match report yet.

Three minutes after the restart, Judge again slipped in, which given it was between Donoghue’s considerable bulk (he must look like a banquet to the midges too) and Wrighty’s ears, it was a feat Houdini himself would have been proud of. However, having done the almost impossible in slipping through that particular needle’s eye, he proceeded to lean back further than a limbo dancer and blazed way over.

On 55 minutes, Stokes blasted home impressively – well he didn’t have to move for this one – as he hit the ball high into the net after Henderson’s cross had been touched on by M’Voto. 5-1.

Blackburn were straight up the other end and big Trev did well to get anything on a shot from just inside the box whilst Wrighty failed to prevent the corner. The ball came back in and the Rovers lad swung at it splayed it embarrassingly straight out of play for a goal kick – only presumably to save the lad’s blushes the ref rushed in as a ‘substitute arse’ and whilst everyone on the pitch retreated for the goal kick, he signalled another corner.

Justice was done though as the lads quickly turned defence to attack and a glorious deep centre from Henderson saw Wallace head home for his hat-trick (or possibly rightfully his fourth of the game). 6 –1.

About the only bit of credit I could give to the dirty Blackburn side was that they didn’t lie down – except that is for their number three who did exactly that any time anyone went near him – in fact his sound effects alone could get him into RADA and if not, then his impression of a jack-in-a-box once he got the decision in his favour would secure acting roles for many moons to come. Subsequently, Bryan Hodge scored an excellent header that big Trev could do nothing about on 63 minutes.

On 70 minutes Luscombe replaced Wallace – if you believe the media they would have been this weeks two hat-trick men but for me one got four and the other got two. I think Nath only scored two on Saturday, David Brown getting the final touch to one of his ‘goals’, whilst Ross looked like he got four tonight. I digress. Cook meanwhile came on for Henderson.

Hopefully such a performance will see Ross in contention for the crucial match against the Smoggies on Saturday – I hope so - he looked hungry, sharp and up for it on a night many others would have just approached the match as a fitness builder.

Two minutes later, Wrighty curled a lovely ball down the right wing that should have been cut out by the Blackburn defender, but Cook did well to collect it, drive at their defence and then released the ball with perfect timing to Stokes and his cross was struck at and onto the near post by Dennehy. The young Irishman, however, reacted quickest to the rebound and converted at the second time of asking. 7 – 2.

That was the end of the scoring but not the end of the circus as he ref booked Colback for diving after a fantastic Gerrard-esque burst through the middle was halted by a cynical body check and then Wright was immediately booked for a daft shoulder charge that wasn’t anywhere near as poor as the body check.

All that remained was the best laugh of the night, when the ball boy in front of the main stand collected the ball and returned it to play expertly before somehow spinning round the perimeter barrier like something out of a table football game or pin-ball machine. It just needed a few flashing light and ding, ding, ding to finish it off. Class. Sunderland AFC, never a dull moment.

Full Time: Sunderland Reserves 7-2 BlackandBlue Rioters

Sunderland: Carson, Wright, Liddle, Colback, M’Voto, Donoghue, Henderson (Cook), Chandler (Weir), Stokes, Dennehy, Wallace (Luscombe).

Subs unused: Hunter, Pelter

Man of the Match: Wallace (for his 3 or 4 goals)

Attendance: 513 (including one David Dowson cheering on the lads as ever, good man.)

Dov