We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one. We beat the Scum two one.

I woke up this morning having dreamt that the lads turned the over scum at the SOL this afternoon. I lay in bed for a bit (next to a lingerie model) thinking of what it would feel like. I’ve never seen us beat the Mags in person before, but as I lay there this morning I remember thinking it would probably be the best day of my life.

Thankfully my dream came true and yet again we played the scum off the park but this time managed to stick the ball in the net. Djibril Cisse and Kieran Richardson have made themselves Wearside legends as the lads beat the old enemy 2-1.

With derby games against the scum looking destined to always kick off early doors in an attempt to curb trouble, I found myself questioning whether this measure makes any difference in stopping alcohol related bother. For instance I knew of a few lads getting to Mowbray Park at half eight this morning with a few cans before getting in Weatherspoons at 9am. Then at eleven o clock I saw a couple of lads swigging bottles of wine each in the Glass Spider as if they were sipping bottles of Evian at the gym. My point is does the early kick off inspire people to make more of an effort to get mortal before the game?

Either way it made for a cracking atmosphere in a sold out SOL.

There were a few surprises in the starting eleven with Craig Gordon presumably suffering a late injury and being replaced by Marton Fulop. In front of him a back four of Ringo, Ferdinand, Collins and Chimbo. Ahead of them Malbranque started on the right with Richardson on the left. Dwight Yorke was the surprise inclusion in midfield alongside Dean Whitehead. Up front El Hadji Diouf started alongside Cisse.

We started ok but the windy conditions suited the mags tactics of hoofing long balls to Ameobi. We got a few dangerous crosses into their box from Malbranque but failed to get anyone on the end of them. The Scum’s best effort on goal came from a free kick which Geremi blasted into the wall.

We took the lead after twenty minutes when Cisse turned in a mishit Malbranque shot. Cisse used his brain and dropped off Taylor and Coloccini and made space for himself to poke the ball home, and somersaulted in joy along with the rest of the SOL.

Newcastle equalised just before the break when Ameobi headed in from a cross. However after seeing his second half performance I wonder whether he actually intended to head the ball back across goal rather than over the line.

After Marco had made the half time lottery draw we set about destroying the barcodes. We set up camp in their half but didn’t capitalise on the amount of possession we had. With half hour left to play big Kenwyne made his return to first team action in place of Dwight Yorke.

With twenty minutes left to play El Hadji Diouf demonstrated the quality Sunderland no w possesses. He ghosted past what seemed like 100 Scum defenders before being hacked down cynically on the edge of the box. The position of the free kick was perfect but with Rico being so unlucky against Fulham last time out we wondered whether he could again produce the goods. Well he did by blasting an unstoppable free kick into the top left hand corner. There was no attempt to curl or place the shot; it was a case of absolutely lacing the leather off the ball and nearly bursting the net.

Now a word about Pope John Joey, who when warming up incited the Sunderland crowd by kissing his shirt in the same way I imagine he kissed arse in prison to some big tough guy. This was almost embarrassing, as was the way the unwashed welcomed his return by chanting his name and cheering as if Fernando Torres was warming up for them. I couldn’t think of a club more suitable for him to be fair.

Sunderland saw the game out with considerable ease thanks to Shola Ameobi who did magnificently in thwarting any Newcastle attacks. His clearing of the ball for goal kicks when in dangerous positions or losing the ball whilst in possession made him a contender for man of the match.

In fact we should have won the game by more as Sunderland ended the game well on top. Cisse came the closest when he fired a shot from twenty five yards but he was again denied by the woodwork as the ball struck the foot of the post.

The full time whistle was greeted with chaotic scenes as a few fans invaded the pitch in excitement. Chimbonda came over to the West Stand and threw his shirt to the fans and it was nice to see that the lads really knew that the result meant something to the fans.

ALS Man of the Match: Steed Malbranque. Was different class all afternoon. Was as brilliant as Shola Ameobi was useless (which is high praise).

Final Score: Sunderland 2 Scumcastle United 1

Aidan Crowe

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