Apparently the players call their new gaffer “The Wig”. Whether that’s because Ricky really wears a rug, or because his real hair just happens to look like one, we don’t know. But Sunderland’s performance was certainly hair- raising. Positively frightening, in fact, And if there’s more of the same to come now Ricky has got the job full time, we’ll all be tearing our hair out by the end of the season. If they’re really right behind their new boss they’re going to have to start proving it on the pitch instead of just talking to the papers about it.

Fair enough, we didn’t get a bounce of the ball, or a decision from follically challenged referee Rob Styles. But that doesn’t excuse the fact we were truly dreadful, as we seem to be at Goodison with grim regularity. With the sun actually shining in Liverpool for a change, we’d arrived on Merseyside in good spirits, on the back of several days spent in varying degrees of “Merry” during the Christmas period. At the Winslow Hotel, the fact smorgasbrod used to be on the menu at Roker Park in the 1970s, but beer wasn’t, somehow crept into the conversation. And some ale further raised expectations. The phrase “perfect day for football” was even used on the short stroll to the ground.

But when the winter sunshine we’d been savouring started to turn the afternoon sour. It shone straight in Fulop’s eyes as Arteta’s free kick flew threw about twenty players, straight past him and into the net. After that, you couldn’t shake the feeling this wasn’t going to be our day. Once Everton went 2-0 up from another set piece – a wicked deflection did the damage, Arteta again took the plaudits – it looked pretty much game over. And a strangely-shaped Sunderland side featuring Rico at left back and Daryl Murphy on the wing did precious little to suggest that wasn’t going to be the case. Despite seemingly having no strikers, Everton appeared to have about five more players than us at times, as they passed the ball around at will. And Ricky Sbragia’s first half time team talk as as a fully paid up, proper Premiership manager looked like being one of the most challenging of his career.

Still, having seen off our Chairman’s short list of 30 incredible candidates for the manager’s gig, perhaps Ricky was just the man to rouse his flagging charges with a few well chosen words of footballing wisdom? Sadly, Sunderland’s second half display did precious little to suggest he’d made much of an impression on them.

We were slightly less shambolic, and sub Carlos Edwards went on a mazy which resulted in our arses leaving our seats. But that was about it, really. There was an air of inevitability about Everton’s third – 18-year-old Gosling, who looked like he probably shouldn’t have been out of the house without his mam – side footed home to effectively end the game as a contest and send many heading towards the exits early. The same journey Sbragia could soon find himself making, unless some of his players stop taking the piss and start doing the business for him.

Final Score: 3-0

ALS Man of the Match: Tiny, the Finnish fellow

The Inceptor

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